You know, when I found out that my grandpa decided he no longer wanted to be in our lives, I felt like I was being ripped apart. I was heartbroken. But most of all, I was angry.
Angry at the world. At myself. At my grandfather.
And, I was angry at God.
I wanted to know why it was always my family being torn apart. Why it was me who kept losing a father (or a father figure, in this case).
Anyone who was in contact with me could tell. I slacked when it came to work. I spit out words before I thought about them to anyone and everyone. I was an ugly person to deal with for weeks.
And I think most of the reason was because I couldn’t accept the fact that I was about to lose another man in my life.
No, he won’t be gone forever, but he won’t be here… with us. And that thought hurt. It hurt bad. Really bad.
After a talk with my business mentor, I realized that my attitude had to change about the whole situation. My family was about to be in a bind that we weren’t going to be able to handle and I felt like my attitude was only making it worse for everyone involved.
Then, I took to a book with a title that caught my attention…
… because, I did after all need a new, fresh start.
I’m not done with it yet. I actually haven’t gotten very far because I keep stopping to reference the scripture in my Bible, but from what I’ve read, there’s one saying that struck me hard.
“God loves us because He wants to,
not because we deserve it.”
And BAM, it hit me.
All this complaining I did, all this anger I had towards God, and He still loves me.
I keep telling myself that I’ve lost another father, but that’s the furthest from the truth. Why? Because I’ll always have a Father who loves and cares for me. A Father who will never leave… A heavenly Father.
And after re-reading the quote above over and over again, after re-establishing my dedication to the Lord, I was able to finally feel my self relax and breathe again. I felt like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders.
It’ll still hurt to know that my earthly father left my family and me. It’ll hurt when I think about my grandpa no longer wanting us to be a part of his life, but I’ll know that I don’t have to be alone and upset about “not having” a father.
Because I do have a Father who is there to talk to every second, of every day. A Father who says “ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
A Father who will always carry me through my toughest times.
So today, I feel very blessed and thankful.