Why Valentine’s Day is Hard for Me

Every year when Valentine’s Day rolls around, I get into this crazy phase where I re-evaluate myself and try to figure out why I’ve never been kissed or have never gone on a date. I’ve gone through a relationship, but I don’t really think it counts… that’s a whole different story.

It’s honestly a strong hit to my self-esteem because these are some of the reasons I think of:

  • I’m not attractive.
  • I’m not an approachable person.
  • I get extremely shy around people I don’t regularly communicate with.
  • I come off as “a very angry person” (have been told this).
  • I don’t know what I want.
  • I’m afraid of opening up to others.
  • I don’t act my age.

The first one is something I have struggled with my entire life mainly because of my weight. I grew up as the “fat cheerleader,” and the teasing eventually led to me purposely messing up at tryouts my sophomore year after 11 years of cheering.

The following three go hand-in-hand. I had this guy who I talked to after I graduated tell me that no one in class wanted to talk to me because it always seemed like I wanted to just be left alone. It was economics during my senior year, a required class to graduate and one of my only classes that wasn’t advanced… I really didn’t want anything to do with the class or my classmates, but I didn’t realize I made it that obvious. No one ever talked to me in that class, I never talked, and I hardly participated. I just wanted the grade to pass. I’m still the same way, apparently. *sigh* It’s hard for me to change these habits.

The next one is crazy true. I don’t! I just know that one day I want a family.

I’m afraid of opening up to others because of all the hurt I’ve dealt with in the past. I once let a boy in when I knew I shouldn’t have… it ruined our friendship and left some mental scars I haven’t been able to shake. My family loves him, though and he’s still around so it only makes matters worse. I also kind of feel like relationships in my family are doomed. My parents are separated and other family members have gone through separations with kids in the middle. I feel like my relationship would be next so I don’t try… it’s stupid, I know.

The age thing is big. I’ve been told I have an old soul but I just think I grew up too fast. Either way, I’m not like most 21 year olds. The thought of going to a club or going to some crazy party makes my head spin. I’d rather read a book than go shopping or to the movies. I don’t drink unless it’s a glass of wine with my mom. I don’t have many friends that are my age and the friends that are live far away. For fun, I go with my mom to dinner with her co-workers or to the local pizza place with my family. I’m a boring person…

On Valentine’s Day, I would rather put together an event for children and their parents to spend some time together as a family… it gives me something to do so I don’t sulk.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to see all the balloons, roses and stuffed animals that line shelves at stores knowing that I won’t be getting any of them anytime soon. Because it does. It hurts to see my sister in her relationship because I feel like I missed that in high school because I was too busy growing up. It hurts to think that there’s a possibility that I’ll never find someone. And that’s why Valentine’s Day is sometimes hard for me.

31 thoughts on “Why Valentine’s Day is Hard for Me

  1. Hey Brittany! Coming to you from the SITS Girls :D

    I read your blog and I can relate SO much to what you’ve felt before and even now. It is tough when you see others either so happy in relationships or so destructive in relationships. You have t owonder if you’re ever going to have somebody one day and TRUST ME, it gets very lonely at times. But if there was something I could tell myself at 21, is that you have to enjoy loving yourself, even with your flaws, and enjoy being by yourself before sharing yourself with someone. I wish someone would’ve told me that years ago! Here’s a youtube video you should watch, a friend sent it to me and I bookmark it and watch it from time to time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

    Please don’t beat yourself up, you seem like a beautiful, talented young lady with a lot going on! Keep on truckin’….

    -Jane

  2. I have so many wonderful friends who have really struggled meeting someone, or who didn’t have a relationship until later in life. I know how hard it is to be single when you so badly want to meet someone (I’ve been there!). I think, more than it being a reflection on you, is that you have yet the meet the person who is *right* for you. And just because you are 21 doesn’t meet you should feel like you are supposed to want to go out and party and drink. Have you tried doing activities that make you happy? I feel like that is the best place to potentially meet someone who has similar interests as you. I met my husband that way, quite by accident, after I had just about given up on dating. And aside from when I was in elementary school, I have always thought Valentine’s Day was a silly holiday. **Hugs!**
    Bev recently posted..9 tips for making it through the first few months of motherhoodMy Profile

  3. You are beautiful, Brittany! Absolutely beautiful. Don’t ever think that you aren’t with a boy because of something like that. You are very young! 21! You have tons of time to find the perfect person for you. And you will! Trust me.

    Keep doing fun things with your friends. Smile every day. God will bring along the perfect person for you. I just know it.

    Love, Becky who never was a cheerleader but tried out every single year of her life. : )
    Life with Kaishon recently posted..the Creativity Project :: February :: Love & LightMy Profile

  4. I love how touching, heartfelt, open and honest your post is.

    I used to be in the same boat. Not only is my name also Brittany (!), but I was super duper awkward in high school and I always came across as mean and unfriendly too. I still awkward around new people sometimes, but it depends on the situation. I would say I’m much more confident, friendly and outgoing than I used to be, though I am still an introvert (and that’s okay!)

    I always think its so silly when people of the 18-21 age group are so worried about finding husbands–you are still young! I met my husband when I was 22 and got married at 23. You aren’t behind the times. 45 and never married is different. You are only 21. You have PLENTY of time.

    As for me, I continued to be awkward until AFTER I was married and had my children. Right after I met my husband but before we married, I moved two states away and spent the summer by myself in a new city where I knew no one. It was a great time to shake off everything old and do a lot of thinking. Then, when we were first married, my husband worked out of town and I didn’t work, so it was just me and our first baby at home by ourselves all day long.

    Through these alone times, I was able to shake off everything that had to do with anyone else. No one thought anything of me because I wasn’t around anyone. I was just “mom” to my baby and that was all. And through mothering, I gained a lot of confidence, because I am a great mom. And I got talented at other things, and these talents give me more confidence.

    Anyways, this is getting way too long, so I’ll stop. But my point is–you’re still young. Work on losing weight if it makes you feel better, but don’t think for a second you have to have it all together before your dreams can happen. I stopped being so awkward AFTER I met my husband. He loved me just the way I was, and your future husband will too. I promise. And learn to not care what others think, because it really doesn’t matter. Only what you think and what God thinks REALLY matters. And He loves you more than you know.
    Brittany recently posted..The Church is Full of Screw-upsMy Profile

  5. I’m so sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself. I know that I have gone through periods of my life when I really struggled with self worth. For me, the change was putting my worth in God instead of in what people thought of me or in my accomplishments.

    You’re always going to be your worst critic. I don’t know you, but just from your blog, I can tell that you are an extremely talented, beautiful, and hard-working woman.

    I hope you do organize a kids event or have a girls night or something on v-day.

    xoxo

  6. It’s hard sometimes to understand God’s timing. The right person will come along at the right time. It sounds like you’re a very mature girl with a good head on your shoulders. And that’s a very good thing! I’m more impressed with someone who wants to throw a party for kids on Valentine’s Day rather than be focused on what gifts they will be getting for themselves.
    Bev @ Blogging Inspiration recently posted..Inspiring Words #3My Profile

  7. Well first of all, I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself–you’re not unattractive and there’s nothing wrong with not liking wild parties or clubbing! I personally would rather have a glass of wine or cup of tea and curl up with a book than go out. So I feel ya on the hermithood :) It’s hard when you’re not “in sync” with your age group. I don’t think I’ve ever been in tune with other girls my age.

    I learned (the hard way, admittedly) that it does no good to pretend to be more outgoing and social if you’re not. You just wind up mismatched and surrounded by people you don’t really like. Once I accepted that I was not a party girl, I started doing the things I wanted–hanging out at the bookstore, going for walks, the things I liked. And I ended up meeting a guy who liked similar things. It took a while, and it was no fun being single, but I’m glad I waited it out instead of pretending to be someone I wasn’t. And I think somewhere out there is a guy who will be cool with shyness and being “boring”. (Not that pizza sounds boring to me!)

    So hang in there! There’s nothing wrong with being you and not going along with the crowd! :)
    Martha recently posted..Julep Feb’14 Maven swatches!My Profile

  8. First off, you are very beautiful. Truly and completely. Secondly, I feel like reading this is like reading an old diary of mine. I have felt almost every single one of these feelings and have struggled with almost all of it. I have social anxiety which makes talking to people, or just being around people, difficult. I didn’t realize it for a long time but I’ve always come off as cold and distant. People didn’t talk to me because they didn’t think I wanted them to. And they were right, I didn’t. But I did, or I would if they would. Most people can’t understand at all.

    I still struggle everyday, but it’s getting better. I’ve learned that in order to change how people see me I have to change how I see myself. I am beautiful in my own way and that’s good enough. I realized that other people have their own struggles and sometimes they need a friend too, so instead of waiting for others to reach out to me, I try to reach out to them. Nothing big yet, but just a simple smile, a hello or a complement can totally brighten someone’s day and in return it makes me feel better too.

    I never had a boyfriend. I actually meet my husband online (we become friends on MySpace first). He was my first kiss, hand hold, everything. I was very blessed to find him and I thank God everyday for that. I don’t know if you are religious at all but if you are, praying helps – a lot.

    Sorry you are struggling, hang in there (and sorry about the novel comment, sometimes I get carried away!) .
    Ashley recently posted..Grape, Berry and BlueMy Profile

  9. Hi, I’m visiting belatedly for your SITS day, sorry, I’m pretty much always running just a bit late for everything. Your post makes me so sad, I’m so sorry that you’ve been made to feel like this about yourself. All sorts of holidays are a bit crappy for people for all sorts of different reasons, the shops just never seem to allow for those who don’t want to participate for whatever reason.
    I suggest this friday (and obviously just ignore me if you want) having a nice evening doing whatever you want to, so if you want to read a book fine, watch a film, that’s fine too, go out with some friends – do that, or organise your lovely family idea. And please just relax about finding someone, the more you stress over it the more miserable you will be. I know I don’t know you at all, but I just wanted to send some friendly words to you over the internet, feel free to just delete and ignore if they are not helpful.
    Julie recently posted..Guest Blogging at Chic on a Shoestring DecoratingMy Profile

  10. Awe! You are wonderful the way you are and when the time comes you will find the right person. I see your picture, you are beautiful on the outside but, honestly, it’s the inside that counts. Don’t live in the past, just live for today. Hurt happens. There’s not much we can do about that.

    Treat yourself on Valentines day. You deserve it!
    Carla recently posted..Fitness Interview: Marcia’s Healthy SliceMy Profile

  11. Hi Brittany,

    I just stopped by today to see what you were up to and read this post-it really touched my heart. I know how hard it can be to try to fit in…or not fit in. I am the same way at times where I don’t want to be friendly and so I am judged. I want to tell you that you are a beautiful person, really! I don’t know what your beliefs are and I don’t want to “step into your bubble” or make you feel uncomfortable, but I have to tell you that Jesus loves you and is a true friend!

    I am also the oldest so I understand with that can come a lot of responsibility-even before we’re ready for it. I also want to tell you that it’s important to do things for yourself-love yourself and value yourself. Doing things for yourself will help you to have a more positive outlook on your circumstances.

    And lastly, don’t worry about finding someone. Enjoy your singleness. Again-not knowing your background and I don’t want to be preachy, so take it or leave it- the Lord uses our time as single individuals to really mold us and shape us. One thing you mentioned that you are passionate about is helping families and that’s great continue to do that! You have a lot of positive things happening in your life -also use this time to grown into your womanhood! The right guy will find you when the time is right.

    I hope that my message has encouraged you in some way. Be blessed!
    Keizra Tyson recently posted..INTRODUCING THE MR. + MRS. SERIES!My Profile

  12. I’ve read your blog for awhile and I never would have thought you would have this view of yourself. I know this sounds cliche, but I am a firm believer in the power of our words and thoughts. Maybe instead of focusing on what makes you unhappy about yourself, write down what you really love about you! Focus on what makes you, uniquely you. You are a beautiful, talented young lady and you have your entire life ahead of you! I hope this helps.

    Best wishes, Brittany!
    Chastity recently posted..Wine’d Down Wednesday – Facebook LoveMy Profile

  13. First and most importantly … You are adorable Brittany!! Don’t ever think otherwise. And Valentine’s Day in reality is just another day. I know that doesn’t make it easier but it is the truth. And you’re young! You have a lot of years to have your sweet family. You’re honest thoughts and sweet spirit warm my heart. I wish I could give you a big hug!
    Cathi recently posted..It’s What Boys DoMy Profile

  14. This post makes me sad. Partly because I’ve felt that way. But partly because I wish so badly that I could step back in time and tell myself NOT to feel this way. If that makes any sense at all. I’m not about to be one to tell you “but you’re still so young” because I’m sure you’ve heard that over and over. However, at this point in your life, focus on yourself. Sometimes it’s ok to be a little selfish. What is something that you really want to do? Do you want to travel? Do it! Do you want to go to school? Do it! It’s so important to focus on loving yourself. Once you get to the point where you are good with yourself…you’ll be surprised at where life will take you. Anyway…you’re an adorable girl :)
    Melissa recently posted..Self Portrait Project: FebruaryMy Profile

  15. You share such beautiful words. You are 21. God has many many things in store for you. Keep pursuing him and focusing on who HE says you are – not those negative thoughts that pop in your head – Child of God. Daughter of the King. You are His Masterpiece. Live the truth, girl!
    Carrie @ Chockababy recently posted..Say No to Husband BashingMy Profile

  16. Your post was truly heartwrenching; I have a daughter around your age. This is one of the downsides of Valentine’s day; it just calls unnecessary attention to those who are unattached, as if there is something wrong with that. You are very young, my dear, so you will find love. You may have to open your heart a little more, even if it’s painful, to let someone else in. Maybe you can find some clubs or events you can get involved with where you can be around more people your age. And don’t forget about church. Put your trust in Gods plan for you. Lastly, don’t bury yourself in a computer/tablet/smartphone screen–do your best to get out there and engage with others face to face. Best of luck with all your ventures!
    Barb@embracingthesecondhalf.com recently posted..The midlife s.i.m.p.l.e. life series (part 5)My Profile

  17. You are beautiful! You are a Child of God and He has a plan for you! Just because you don’t party doesn’t make you a bad person! It makes you more responsible! If all 21 year old were that responsible we wouldn’t have the ones that are wanting to be like Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber!
    Cate recently posted..Dove Advanced CareMy Profile

  18. I’m really sorry to hear how much you struggle with Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day and my birthday which are practically back to back for me (2 days apart) have always been a tough time for me. For a variety of reasons. Now that I’m in my mid-40’s, it’s starting to get better. A lot of stuff has changed around me family-wise plus I’ve changed quite a bit myself.
    Barb @ A Life in Balance recently posted..Fabulously Frugal Thursday Linky Party #54My Profile

  19. Girl, the clubs are overrated anyways. If you’ve got a desire to make this holiday about things other than romantic relationships, do it! The best time is now and if you see a need ( ie events for children ), fill it. Cheers!

  20. By the first two paragraphs of your blog I was like uuuuugghhh .. you made me hurt a little. But we all hurt sometimes. We have to hurt in order to live life thats why we have feelings. If we are too afraid of the hurt we will not enjoy the other aspects of life. You cannot stop playing sport because you are afraid to scrape your knee, that is the negative parts but you have to look forward to the fun part. Enjoy life your young, smart and beautiful otherwise time will fly by and you will miss out on the “turbulant twenty excuse”. Have fun!!
    Brandy Alford (rzashida) recently posted..Thriftthread.comMy Profile

  21. Your last statement from Cate said it best…you are a Child of God and He has a plan for you! Honestly I have felt like this before myself at different times in my life. Honestly, I think everyone at some point gets a little down on themselves, but you have so much going for yourself. I know Valentines Day can be hard because its everywhere but take this time to treat yourself. Before I was married I wasn’t dating, and honestly I was always around my parents…during holidays it was hard but when they rolled around I would pamper myself. I even bought myself Christmas gifts and wrapped them for myself! HA!

    I was once listening to Joel Osteen and he was preaching about how we let things in the past determine our future, and he talked about his father did something (cant remember the details) and everyone expected him to do the same thing…but just because his father did it doesn’t mean that he has to do it too. This made me think of you and the relationship, your parents may be separated but that doesn’t mean that will happen to you as well. There is power in our thoughts and words and you have to speak positivity over yourself and what you want…stay prayerful and God will give you all the desires of your heart!!

    Im stopping by from SITS but I will be reading from here on out!!!
    Carissa recently posted..7 Days of Love {Day 6} Romantic Dinner DateMy Profile

  22. Brittany!!!!!!
    I always see you around on the SITS Facebook! And I just adore your blog! I am so excited you’re in my SITS comment love tribe!!!

    Okay, so a} you’re BEAUTIFUL. And I’m not just saying “on the inside” or trying to make you feel better. I genuinely think you are so pretty! {I know you won’t look at yourself and suddenly think you’re beautiful just because I said you are, but ill say it anyways!}

    b} I can be really shy, and people frequently tell me that I come off as a b**** just because I’m quiet, so I totally get that!

    And c} you could always try online dating! That’s how I met my fiance, I really think it’s awesome! Idk! Just a thought!

    Keep in touch please, I love your blog!

    Caitlin
    Caitlin recently posted..My Famous Watermelon MargaritasMy Profile

  23. I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said by the tons of wonderful comments above mine, but I want to let you know that I get it. I’ve been there. I too have always had an old soul and all I can tell you is to hold on because it gets better with age. One day all of the people who give you trouble now will grow up and they’ll be on the same level you are on now.

    Don’t let a stupid holiday that people put way too much stock into get you down on yourself. You are wonderful and you have a lot to offer and someday you’ll get to share that with someone else in the kind of relationship you are seeking.
    Nicole recently posted..Easy Weeknight Dinner: Buffalo Ranch Chicken PizzaMy Profile

  24. Brittany,
    I love reading your words. You are brave to write, acknowledge and name all the hard places associated with this day. The scars will be healed as you seek healing for it, when you are ready for that. I hope to read that journey too. Until then, I enjoy reading all the other aspects on this bright place that is completely and simply Brittany.
    Thankful for our God-timed friendship,
    Holly C.

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